I have, since a young age, known that I have wanted to be a psychologist. It was my mother who first introduced the idea to me at the age of 14 and since then, it has been a part of my identity. I have always been just that bit more intuitive than others, just a little better at reading people, at understanding them. I want to use these strengths to help people, specifically in the field of clinical psychology. It is a long road but it is one that I have began, starting with a bachelor of science honors degree. I achieved my degree in psychology almost exactly 2 years ago after moving to a brand new city on my own. It was a first step of many many more to come and now, i am putting one foot in front of another to achieve my next degree: a more specialised masters degree in clinical psychology.
Now, this is not something i consider a part of my identity; it is however an important part of my experiences and my journey to adulthood. A little heavy-hearted, but quintessential to understanding who I am because, as much as it pains me to admit, it has shaped me.
I began having troubles at the age of 14 and at age 18, after moving to university, I was fully immersed in the toxic world of anorexia. My weight dropped but weight was not the only thing I lost. I lost friends, I lost my relationship with the man I loved and I lost my mind. Battling your mind and your body every millisecond of your whole existence changes you: it changes who you are, how you think and your way of experiencing the world. Between the ages of 18 and 19, i was truly at my worst. I wasn’t me. It was as though a demon had possessed my body and, each day it was consuming me a little more until there was nothing left but the demon itself. There would be glimpses of the real me but it wouldn’t be long until i felt those urges to self-destruct rise to the surface and take hold. I couldn’t fight it. I didn’t want to.
However, the fighter that I am, I decided to make a change. I was sick of it. Sick of being tired, sick of being selfish, sick of being sick. It hasn’t been easy and still to this day, 10 years later, I struggle. Right now, I am infinitely stuck somewhere between recovery and relapse, but I remain confident and hopeful that I will indeed reach full recovery.